Being a Supportive Wife During Hard Financial Times

I have written a few articles for Associated Content/Yahoo Contributor Network over the past few years. Since Yahoo is shutting down the business entity at the end of the month, I am re-publishing the pieces related to womanhood here.

Being a Supportive Wife During Hard Financial Times:
Musings and Lessons Learned from Washington Irving's "The Wife" (December 2010)

In "The Wife", a short story written by Washington Irving (1783-1859), the narrator's friend is fraught with agony over telling his wife about the financial losses he has suffered. The following article consists of musings inspired by "The Wife".

I recently came across a story written by Washington Irving (1783-1859) titled The Wife. Irving is best known for his short stories, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle. Although I had not read those stories in years, I remember them as being frightening and satirical, respectively. Imagine my surprise when I sat down to read The Wife, a moving, inspiring, and heart-felt story. The following article consists of musings inspired by The Wife.

Make Dollars Stretch. Everyone at some point has heard a tale of women of who made meals out of nothing, like the Frontier women of old that did not shrink from adversity but rose to be a husband's strongest ally and comforter. I once read of a wife in the Depression-era Ozark Mountains of Missouri that made do with soups of wild herbs.

Money fights and money problems are among the top reasons frequently cited for divorce today. There are so many jewels in prose of The Wife about the nature of trust and love. The narrator's friend is fraught with agony over telling his wife about the financial losses he has suffered. Whether one is a long-time married man who has endured financial storms or a young man hoping and praying that he does not marry the next "Real Housewife" of so-and-so or Peggy Bundy (for the old school readers), The Wife seems like it could be an encouraging read for men.

"...so is it beautifully ordered by Providence, that woman, who is the mere dependent and ornament of man in his happier hours, should be his stay and solace when smitten with sudden calamity; winding herself into the rugged recesses of his nature, tenderly supporting the drooping head, and binding up the broken heart."

The above excerpt is from The Wife. All things considered, I was still bristled by the "mere dependent and ornament of man" phrase until I thought deeper about it. Some ornaments, while dazzling and beautiful, when put under pressure, become nothing more than shattered glass. Yet others can withstand pressure because they are composed of something else entirely.

Make Your Dwelling Place a Home. What makes a home is not elegant china patterns, the newest furniture, or a Martha Stewart dinner spread, but the spirit of honor bestowed upon family and guests. It is making people feel as if they do exist, and matter, when they walk through that door. In the same vein, it does not take a lot of money to make home-cooked meals and have a clean house. Proverbs 14:1 says "the wise woman builds her home, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

From The Wife: "There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity. No man knows what the wife of his bosom is- no man knows what a ministering angel she is- until he has gone with her through the fiery trials of this world."

Though I am presently unmarried, I am preparing for marriage in the case that God has set apart for me a husband, in whom I would highly esteem. Among other initiatives, I am learning to budget my finances while conquering the wiles of covetousness and discontentment. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom. For now, I work diligently and faithfully in my present duties.

I find it helpful to read blogs on homemaking and books on keeping house, such as Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendelson. My Grandmother recently told me that she was storing five months of food for the winter months. I thought to myself "that's so cool!" She maintains a vegetable garden, stocks her cupboards with food, and keeps a deep freezer full of meat given to her from a relative who fishes and hunts wild game. No cat food for her! Every time I call her she always seems to be returning from taking someone a home-cooked meal.

There are so many women, both young and old who have shared with me valuable concepts on maintaining a well-oiled home. I shall consider their ways and be wise. To me, the heart of The Wife relates to what Apostle Paul said in his letter to the church at Phillipi:

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him [Christ Jesus] who strengthens me"

Sources:
The Sketchbook of Geoffrey Crayon."The Wife" by Washington Irving, 1820; full text: http://www.textfiles.com/etext/AUTHORS/IRVING/irving-wife-596.txt
The Bible (NASB)

Reflections on the Excellent Woman in Proverbs 31

I read a book a few months back called The Excellent Woman as described in the book of Proverbs by Anne Pratt (1852).  It was enormously helpful to me and written so beautifully.  I have desired to share my reflections from my reading of the book ever since I finished it, and I am pleased to finally post them here. Please note that all text in italics are direct quotations from the text.

courageous
quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear

The excellent woman is first and foremost, courageous. She holds fast to the truth of God's word and is not swayed by every wind of unsound doctrine or cultural expectation. She strives to imitate the virtues and graces of women as described in the Bible (1 Peter 3:6), not in her own strength (Proverbs 12:10), but in the power of the Holy Spirit. In every tremendous feat and daily duty, the excellent woman trusts in the strength that God provides. Her value is greater than riches untold. He who finds her and becomes her husband, receives favor from the Lord (Proverbs 31:10).

trustworthy
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence

The husband of a trustworthy woman does not have the pressure to constantly "keep up with the Joneses" to satisfy his wife's wants and pleasures. The trustworthy woman does not look to her own selfish ambitions in the running of the household, but to God. She recognizes that all she has come from Him (1 Peter 4:10). She is consistent in her behavior, particularly in the prudent management of financial resources.

beneficent
doing good or causing good to be done; conferring benefits; kindly in action or purpose

The marriage relationship is the strongest of all earthly influences, and the love of God guides the beneficent woman in this realm of influence. In contrast to the foolish woman of Proverbs 14:1, she does not bring shame to her household. She makes the home a contrast to the workplace for her husband: A place of "sweet converse that beguiles him of his cares and peace, and love, and order, and gentle welcome and soothing sympathy." The beneficent woman prays for her husband, gently reminds him of the promises in God's word, rejoices with him, does not listen with indifference, encourages him to holiness and virtue, and warns against sin.

enterprising
ready to undertake projects of importance or difficulty; energetic in carrying out any undertaking

The enterprising woman brings good to her household and cares to secure quality food and other items that make home life special. The work of her hands is not only a blessing to her household, but to others outside the home through bartering or selling. She gives to those who are truly needy: the poor whom sickness has prevented from labor, the little child, and others. Everyone who enters her home is benefited.

The wise and active conquer difficulties by daring to attempt them.
Sloth and Folly shiver and shrink at sight of toil and trouble.
And make the impossibilities they fear.

provident
having or showing foresight; providing carefully for the future

The provident woman awakes early and manages the home. Such orderliness of the home is great help to her husband in his productivity and leading of the family. Basic areas of stewardship include cooking, cleanliness of the home, management of finances, care and training of children. Idle wives are either slothful or weary busybodies, while a woman who works diligently has freshness and energy. The energetic woman is engaged in earnestly furthering the Kingdom of God through fervent prayer and action. Anne Pratt wrote, "It should become a subject of deep and frequent thought to every woman, and especially to every Christian woman, whether her time is rightly spent."

Here is a fitting quote about the destructiveness of idleness: "Idleness is the badge of gentry, the bane of body and mind, the nurse of naughtiness, the stepmother of discipline, the chief author of all mischief, one of the seven deadly sins, the cushion upon which the devil chiefly reposes, and a great cause not only of melancholy, but of many other diseases: for the mind is naturally active; and if it be not occupied about some honest business, it rushes into mischief or sinks into melancholy." (Robert Burton, 1577 - 1640)

prudent
wise or judicious in practical affairs; sagacious; discreet or circumspect; sober

The prudent woman is one of forethought, preparedness, judgment, discretion and wisdom. For the sick, she anticipates want, bears patiently, ministers relief and love. Her ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace, because she does not have an anxious mind, but trusts in the providence of God. The daily acts of her life are governed by the law of kindness. She guards against the evil of gossip by not dwelling on the fallacies of others.

Besides the general commands to love our poorer neighbor, we are especially to do good to them who are of the household of faith. We are told to lay down our lives for the brethren. Whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need and shuteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

Much like Solomon's great-great Grandmother, Ruth, the woman spoken of in Proverbs 31 was probably a person of wealth and the wife of one who "sat among the elders of the land." Nevertheless, she makes herself useful in her role, rather than basking listlessly in it, because she tasted the goodness of God. She is thankful and has a reputation of a life of strength and dignity. She rejoices at the time to come, treasuring in her heart verses like, "Even to your old age I AM, and even to hoar hairs I carry you", (Isaiah 46:4) and "Well done, thou good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of the Lord" (Matthew 25:21).

The humble and lowly Christian, performing the simplest and commonest duties of domestic life in His fear, seeking His counsel, and earnestly striving to keep his commands, praying for guidance of the Holy Spirit and confidently trusting for the pardon of her sin in Him who died on the cross to redeem her - this is the woman on whom shall be bestowed that best, that only praise which is truly valuable, for her Lord shall say, "She hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

A Simple Greek Salad

On Saturday, I stopped by the State Farmer's Market to purchase ripe tomatoes, cucumbers, and a big red onion.  Using those items with food I already had in the pantry and in the fridge, I made a big Greek salad for the fellowship meal at church.  The salad consisted of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onions, black olives, feta cheese, bulgur wheat, dill, lemon juice, extra virgin olive oil with a dash of salt and pepper.  I was pleased how flavorful and colorful it was.  I used the leftover ingredients to make a couple of salads for myself this week. 

Awakened: The Disconnect Between Action and Belief

This week, after actual sincere prayers, I have awakened to the disconnect between action and belief in areas of my life.  I desire to marry and be a keeper at home with children through childbirth and/or adoption.  This is a desire I truly did not have as a girl or young woman, and I believe it is God given.  In forsaking the pursuit of yet another degree program this week in an effort to conform to my aforementioned desire, I felt as though I was a failure by the world's standard.  Henceforth, rather than languish in sorrow, I have no choice but to rely upon God's standard of success. 

In meanwhile, I continue to work, hoping to transform my work experience into something that builds on my innate talents and stretches me on a personal level.  In my journal I wrote "there is no turning back, I cannot neglect to let God order my day starting in the early morning."  Really believing Matthew 6:33, following Jesus' example, and experiencing the fruit that it has borne this week is at the root of that statement.

How can God order my day?  Well, besides upholding all things by the Word of his power, it was impressed upon me while I was reading 1 Corinthians 2, that through obedience to the Spirit of God and his revealed will (The Bible) that I can have the mind of Christ.

Other scripture references: Mark 1, Hebrews 1:3

Autumn: crisp air and sweet spices

It's so funny how smells ignite memories. Today I had simply salted popcorn, although it was microwaveable it had the same distinct aroma of stove top popped corn - something my grandmother's sister would make when I was a child. I was very tasty. I may not buy pre-buttered popcorn again! My grandma would always get freshly shelled peanuts from the field and roast them in the oven this time of year. I'm looking forward to getting to the State Farmer's Market to get some peanuts to roast. I'm really digging scratch or semi-homemade cooking. Last night I made my first attempt at chicken pot pie!